Welcome, Hypothetical Reader, to another non-hypothetical edition of Fun-Size Friday! This is the place where I sit down and chew the fat, talking about whatever subject tickles my fancy from the last week. It could be me talking about a new movie trailer or Reddit post I read or just some obscure comic book character I found on Wikipedia. Anything and everything is on the table, so long as I keep each topic to no more than two hundred words. I tend to ramble, you see, and we’ve all got better stuff to do, so why waste words, am I right? Anyway, enough explanations, let’s get to writin’!
BETTY, VERONICA, AND…AL???
For whatever reason, this piece from USA Today grabbed my attention last week and now I’m obligated to pass it along. You’re welcome, I guess?
Long story short, apparently Al Pacino was a really big Archie comics fan back in the day. I’ve gotta admit, I wouldn’t have Scarface pegged as an Archie lover, but I’m more than happy to be wrong. I know we’re kind of past the point where celebrities talking about their love of comics is something revolutionary, especially in the age of Marvel, but this news still brightened up my day. Anyway, your move, Riverdale producers.
Hey, don’t look at me like that. Is it really any less believable than Al Pacino in that Jack & Jill movie?
I’m just saying, stranger things have happened.
I GUESS APRIL IS “NO TIME TO DIE” AFTER ALL.
My love for the most famous secret agent in human history has somewhat cooled over the last couple of years, so when I heard Bond’s latest outing, No Time To Die, had been delayed until November, I wasn’t too bummed out. It looks like we have the coronova virus outbreak to blame for this delay, which is…actually pretty reasonable all things considered. Political rallies aside, no one seems keen about hanging in big crowds these days.
Actually, thinking about it, wouldn’t now be a prime opportunity for some lucky streaming service to premiere the movie on it’s original release date? I mean, no one wants to go outside and hang with strangers right now anyway. Why not take advantage of people’s self-imposed house arrest and just put the whole thing up “on-demand”?
Sure, it’d be kind of a bummer not to see a new Bond film on the big screen, but think of the free publicity the studios would get! Besides, it’s not like you want Daniel Craig doing a James Bond press tour any longer than he has to. No offense Mr. Craig, you still rock.
RANDOM MARVEL MOVIE TANGENT:
THE SOKOVIA ACCORDS — ARE THEY STILL A THING?
I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to this question — Marvel movie fans, feel free to clarify this for me — but are the Sokovia Accords still a thing? I mean, post-Endgame and the big five year time-skip where half of all life was completely and irrevocably dead, does a ban on unregistered superheroes even matter any more? I want to say “no”, since Natasha Romanov — an incredibly well-known fugitive on the run from the law — was basically running the Avengers uncontested for five years, and that seems pretty dang conclusive.
It shouldn’t bug me as much as it does — heck, the Accords lasted about as long in the movies as the Registration Act did in the comics — but the fact that it wasn’t directly addressed, plus the fact that nobody really seems to care, really makes them seem kind of…pointless? I know, I know, the real point was that it split up the Avengers so when Thanos came around the heroes would get curbstomped, but couldn’t the split have just been from the Bucky and Zemo stuff? Couldn’t we have saved the “Accords” plot point for another day?
AND ANOTHER THING!
I don’t mean to sound petty, but I’m gonna be petty for a minute. Do you remember the “New Avengers” scene at the end of Age of Ultron?
Am I the only one who wishes we got at least one Avengers movie with this line-up of heroes? No Iron Man or Thor to back them up, just the “B-Listers” stepping up to face a world-threatening evil. Look, I love the big heroes as much as the next guy, but it just feels like a missed opportunity not to put the spotlight on some lesser-known characters (Vision) or under-appreciated ones (War Machine). We only got to see, like, ONE mission with the new team, and even then it wasn’t was the whole team.
Plus, and I don’t mean to be a downer here, but Crossbones is not exactly my definition of an “Avengers level threat”. Give me Kang, you cowards!
Look, I’m not asking for much. Maybe just a War Machine show on Disney Plus. Six episodes, eight tops. That’s all.
IN CONCLUSION, I COULD REALLY USE A LAUGH RIGHT NOW.
I don’t mind telling you that the past few days put me in a pretty rough state of mind. I’m not an optimist by nature but I try my best to keep in good spirits by focusing on the things that I’m really passionate about. Heck, what is “Fun-Size Friday” if not a weekly testament to all the silly nonsense that I love? Still, there’s no faster way to get me to chill out than a good old fashioned belly laugh, and you know the Internet’s got that in spades. So how about this: in lieu of a positive affirmation, I’m gonna recommend we all just sit back, relax, and watch something stupid and/or hilarious online. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go watch an SNL skit from 1998 starring Will Ferrell & Jeff Goldblum.
Take care, folks!